I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
