There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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