he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Randomize
