every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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