My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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