Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
