She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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