i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Randomize
