apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
