I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
