they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
