Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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