Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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