I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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