why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
