i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
