My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
