he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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