I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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