brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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