I'm gonna have a badass scar
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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