my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
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