Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
