I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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