guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
