she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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