how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
