A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
You don't make any sense
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