my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
