didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
