Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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