shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
