He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Randomize
