I faked an abortion last night.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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