"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
