Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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