Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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