dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
