I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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