I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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