please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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