My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
