You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
