I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
