There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
