Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
