just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
