I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
