Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
