Your dad touched me again.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
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