You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Your cock deserves a montage
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
