I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
