he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
