You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
