I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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