Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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