I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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