How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
