i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
