well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
