she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
