Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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