have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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