I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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