just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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