Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize