New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
