i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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