Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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